Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Destiny from the blog Totally Bookalicious is going to share her story today. Big thanks to Destiny!
I don’t have your typical “bully” story. Not once was I ever
physically bullied, but emotionally, I was. Even by myself – and when you hear
my story, you’ll see how sometimes we can be our own worst bully.
Growing up, I was always overweight kid in elementary
school. And let me tell you – kids can be cruel. Despite having the latest
trend clothing or the newest toys, none of that got past my weight. Kids
focused on that and that alone. Name calling was brutal. I had a huge
self-esteem problem by the time I was in 3rd grade and when it was
time to weigh in at school, there were literally times I faked sick to go home.
Lunch time was always spent with my one or two friends I had, but then, if they
were ever absent or on a field trip my class didn’t go on…it was torture. No
kid wants to eat lunch alone. Or be pointed and snickered at. Not to mention
P.E. I couldn’t run or play like the other kids and it was the PRIME time for
kids to make fun of me.
By the start of middle school, I had completed Weight Watchers
and was at a normal weight. I loved having friends, cute clothes, and the
attention of boys. It was intoxicating. Addicting even. I sailed through middle
school. High school was slightly more difficult because I noticed I was gaining
weight again. Some days I would literally starve myself seeing if I could get a
few pounds off. Other days I would consider going to the bathroom to purge.
Every day was a fear I would be the “fat girl” again. This terrified me because
this was high school – I was supposed to be having the time of my life. I made
it through high school – a little heavier than I would have liked, but still a
healthy weight.
When college rolled around, I was stressed and tired and
really started gaining weight again. Fast. I would do the crash diets and have
success, but I always gained that weight (and more) back. Eventually, I lost
all my self-esteem and just stopped caring. I let myself go. Even though I
hated myself, it seemed easier than fighting. I ended up dating guys that were
bad for me because it was a confidence boost to just have the attention. I went
by for years like this. The problem, never out of mind, but pushed back far
enough, I was in denial. I would “deal with it one day”. Even my doctors knew
better than to ask for me to weigh at an appointment – I would automatically
tell them “No, thank you, not this time” every time I went. I honestly had no
clue what my weight actually was! I didn’t want to know.
“One day” finally came when I was 24. I was on the phone
with my mom and we had a heart-to-heart and decided I was seriously unhealthy
and in danger. I agreed to meet with a bariatric surgeon and have vertical
banded gastroplasty. This is a stomach banding procedure where you get a band
around the top portion of your stomach and then the rest is stapled off. Unlike
the Lap-Band, this is permanent, but does not re-route the intestines like the
gastric bypass. I am able to eat only 2 oz. of food at any time and that is it.
If I eat too much or too fast, my body will reject it and it won’t stay down.
This sounds like the easy way out. Most people say diet,
exercise, change your lifestyle. How do you exercise when you can hardly walk?
How do you portion control when you are so hungry you feel like your stomach is
eating itself? Then people asking, “How did you let this happen?” I had to do
something. So I agreed to the surgery.
Keep in mind I am 5’11” tall – but I weighed in at 384 lbs!!
How did I get here from the 170 lbs I was at the last time I weighed?! The
surgery was scheduled and I can tell you this was NOT the easy way out. I have
never been so sick in my life. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital, had pneumonia,
blood clots, 2 blood transfusions, had an NG tube (a tube that goes down the
nose straight to the stomach to keep it empty and dry). Almost every day I
asked my mom if I was dying. And most every day she couldn’t look me in the eye
and tell me I wasn't. I was that close to dying. Once I got out of the hospital, my body had to re-learn everything. When you only eat 2 oz, your body goes into shock. The weight starts to come off fast, but there are side effects. I have never been so cold in my life and my hair fell out by the handful. I was afraid to eat out for nearly a year until I learned my new body because I was terrified I might get sick in public. Even today, I hate being asked by waiters if the food isn’t good because I barely touched it. I’ve gotten used to the questions by now and to overhearing people talk that I am secretly bulimic because food doesn’t always stay down. It is still worth it.
This all began in May of 2008. My
surgeon set a goal weight of 200 lbs for me. I hit that weight in February of
2010. Almost 200 lbs lost. My body was a mess. I hated the way clothes fit
because I had so much loose skin. I went under the knife again in February and
had an upper and lower tummy tuck. This dropped me down to 190 lbs. I told my
surgeon I had a personal goal of 180 lbs, but he said it was unlikely, but if I
reached it, great. If not, 190-200 lbs was very healthy considering my height.
I continued to lose weight and I beat my own goal weight by
almost 20 lbs. I weigh about 160 lbs now and I feel better than I ever have. I
can look in the mirror and see that I am pretty. I can look at clothes and know
they look good. But there is still a part of me that thinks I could lose a few
more pounds. Just another dress size. I will probably be that way the rest of
my life. As a result, I am on strict doctor’s orders to not lose more and I
will watch it carefully. However, I will never forget my struggle and will not
let myself return to the person I was before.
There really isn't a book out there that fits my situation
perfectly, but since SKINNY by Donna Cooner depicts a girl struggling with her weight and recovery, something I became very familiar with, I
will be giving away one copy of this book.
**Photos:
1 Before (Weight unknown as I refused to weigh or
take full body pictures)
2 Before/After Picture at the Surgeon’s Office
(Before: 384 lbs, After: 190 lbs)
)
Now (160 lbs)
RULES:
Open to INT as long as The Book Depository ships * Winner must respond within 48 hours*
*Please note, all giveaways will be shipped out at the end of the month.*
RULES:
Open to INT as long as The Book Depository ships * Winner must respond within 48 hours*
*Please note, all giveaways will be shipped out at the end of the month.*
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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18 comments:
The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. Thanks for the chance to win!
The Hallowed Ones by Laura Bickle! Thank you for the sweet giveaway, and much hugs & congratulations to Destiny for sharing her incredible weight loss journey! <3
Mary DeBorde M.A.D.
Thank you Mary! <3
You look incredible Destiny! I'm not entering the giveaway but thank you for sharing your story with us. I can't believe you went through all of that and the surgery sounds brutal. I'm glad you are okay now. <33
Grave Mercy by Robin LaFevers. Thank you for telling your story Destiny! Yours has many similarities to mine, but mine has some much darker portions I still struggle with every single day. I met Donna recently, and was blown away that someone else had this voice inside their head that I've always had. I always added the voice to my list of reasons I might not be ok, but have even now been learning how many others have that voice too. Here's to smothering the voice and taking back the control over our body, life and ultimately our futures!
I almost cried reading this post. I can so identify with this post. I've always been overweight even at my personal thinnest. I've thought about the surgery but I'm scared both emotionally and physically. Thank you so much for this post!
My fav book of the year: Fault in Our Stars. Perks og Being a Wallflower was teally good too.
Of Poseidon and The Fault in Our Stars :))
11/22/63 :)
Destiny thank you so much for sharing your story. You are a beautiful person inside and out :)
Sad to say I've read quite a bit this year but nothing jumps out at me as a favorite.
Thanks for a chance to win....I can so relate to your tory an dwould love the chance to read it. I guess this year my favorites would have to be The Hunger Games.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's great you feel happy with yourself, the surgery sounds really tough but you've done amazing!
My favourite books this year are The Fault in Our Stars and The Sky is Everywhere. :)
wow congrats for all the strength you had to go through with all of it!
My favorite book this year is Edenbrooke by Julianne Donaldson. Thank you for the international giveaway :)
Thoughtless by S.C. Stephens
Legend by Marie Lu.
Thanks for this great giveaway!
Such strengh in this story! You are a great person!
As for my favourite book, I'd say The Diviners
Scarlet by A.C. Gaughen
Thanks!
the fault in our stars and the forever girl
I would have to say Cinder :) Thanks for the giveaway :)
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